They are old and lets be honest they are funny as hell!
I once saw my grandparents have sex, and that's why I don't eat raisins.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.
An old woman is upset at her husband's funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says, "We'll take care of it, ma'am" and yells back, '"Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"
I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think he's great. Because suicide is our way of saying to God, "You can't fire me. I quit."
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.
The second lady chimed in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I am on my way up or on my way down.
The third one responded, Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them, That must be the door, I'll get it!
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names.
The old man hung his head. I have to tell you the truth, he said. I forgot her name about ten years ago.
|This is why I stopped going to the farmers market.|