Long jokes.

Some times a joke needs more details, when telling this joke is it best done in person with a lot of physical motions to exaggerate the action as it is happening.

A young man was gifted a classic Harley Davidson motor bike from his favorite uncle. When he gave him the keys though the uncle also handed him a tube of Vaseline and told him that if the bike was ever going to get wet he had to put a touch of jelly on the spark plugs to keep them from corroding.

All proud of his new bike he rides it over to his girlfriend’s house. He gets there just in time for supper but she is not happy about it, she has never invited him over for a proper meal and he finds out why. Her family has a rule that who ever talks first during the meal has to clean up. But it gotten a bit out of control and no one has talked during a meal for over 2 years… there are pots and pans, plates and bowls, stacked everywhere in the kitchen and hall way, even spilling out into the dining room!

He goes in and sits down to a nice meal with his girl, her mother and father, but the quiet is very disconcerting for him so he reaches over and takes his girls hand. She glances at him and her father glares at him but no one says anything. Next he leans over and kisses his girl right on the lips, her eyes open in surprise and her father looks very unhappy but again not a word. He realizes that this family is full of nutters and decides to see how crazy they are!

So he reaches over and starts to rub his girls boobs, still nothing. He reaches up her dress and pulls down her panties, lifts her up on the table and starts shagging her right there on the table. The mother and father look away but stills say NOTHING! He goes at her for all he is worth, and she doesn’t let out a peep.

He lets go of her and she lays back on the table, he walks around to the other side of the table and lifts the mom up, she looks shocked but he quickly has her panties down and is going a mile a minute at her as well! Still they say nothing as he works the mom as hard as he did the daughter.

Suddenly he notices out the window a flash of lighting, and fearing rain , drops the mom onto the table next to her daughter and grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket.

“FINE ALLREADY! Ill do the dam dishes” Roared the father!

Yo Mama

Popularized by black youth in the 70s and 80s yo mama jokes have become a mainstay in the adolescent development process.

Yo mama so poor

Yo mama so stupid

The basis of a yo mama joke is that it is both disparaging and from the point of view of a 10 - 16 year old. You can often make these funnier by breaking out of this norm.

Stephen Hawking

Another nice trick is to bring in elements of pop culture:

Yo mama so easy

Just remember that in the end every boy loves his mama.

The down fall of humor

Just like this!

The problem with being funny is that people expect you to always be "ON" The only way to do this is to either memorize about 100 completely inapropraite jokes or learn to improv...

I can help with both but lets start with inappropriate jokes:
At a baby shower:
10 Minutes Of Pleasure
9 Months Of Pain
3 Days In The Hospital
A Baby Without A Name
The Baby Is A Bastard
The Mother Is A Whore
This Woulda Never Happend If The Rubber Hadn't Tore!!

Make it your own

Even if you hear a joke in the 2nd or 3rd person it is often more fun to tell it in the first person...

I was sitting home alone one night when my phone rang,
It was the preacher from the church I went to on Christmas and Easter,
"Mike" he said, "We see that you make a fine living at the bank, head of a department and all, but our records show that you have never given so much as a dime to the church, we were wondering if you would like to help out the less fortunate?"
To which I replied, "Do your records show that my mother is ill and almost bankrupt from the medical bills, or that my brother is blind and out of work, or that my sisters husband died and left her almost penniless with 3 children!?"
"Ohh I am very sorry sir, we didn't know" He stammered.
"Ya, well if I wont help them what makes you think I would give you any thing!?"

The first joke

Why did the chicken cross the road?
.
.
To get to the other side!

-- It is classic, but if you tell it to anyone over the age of 10 they will not laugh, but there is a magical window between about age 6 and age 10 where they might not laugh, but if they don't, you can save your self with a come back joke...

Why did the frog cross the road?
.
.
It was stapled to the chicken!


So todays lesson is always have 2 jokes ready before you tell 1.