Funnyman

The problem with being the "funny one" amongst your friends is that you have to be able to be at least slightly funny on demand. This is not as easy as you might think. The fastest way to get out of an awkward social moment is to drop a joke, the more awkward the moment the less funny the joke has to be. [1] But yuo cant go telling a dead baby joke to your boss and your friends at the pub probably wont like your office supply joke so now you have to memorize enough jokes to get you through any social setting.
Thats what I am here for. To talk you through the theory behind jokes and the basic structure of the joke so you may be able to craft your own joke to suit any situation.

[1]This is called the "Thats what she said" Theory.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Ode to old people #2

They are old and lets be honest they are funny as hell!

I once saw my grandparents have sex, and that's why I don't eat raisins.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.

An old woman is upset at her husband's funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says, "We'll take care of it, ma'am" and yells back, '"Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think he's great. Because suicide is our way of saying to God, "You can't fire me. I quit."
They dont like us either  ;)

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.
The second lady chimed in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I am on my way up or on my way down.
The third one responded, Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them, That must be the door, I'll get it! 


An elderly gent was invited to his old friends home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names.
The old man hung his head. I have to tell you the truth, he said. I forgot her name about ten years ago.

This is why I stopped going to the farmers market. 
 

6 comments:

  1. Old people are the greatest, love them

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  2. hahahah That last one was gold

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  3. Funny stuff, sending to the grandparents.

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  4. LMAO these were seriously some funny stuff


    Everyday Life

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  5. hah, pretty funny ones here.

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Feel free to share a joke with me!